There And Back Again: 30 Poems By Evan Miller

The hobbit an unexpected journey

#1 An Unexpected Party

April 2nd, 2013

Every night after dinner my sister and I
Would get into our pjs and desperately try
To contain our excitement though so hard to stop it
For the best dad in the world would be reading The Hobbit.

Wee dwarves and tall wizards, swift elves and strong men
I fell in love with the story at not even ten.
Of Bilbo the hobbit with big hairy feet
And thirteen fat dwarves who sure loved to eat.

A dragon so greedy he ruined their town
And so they decided to go track him down.
So one peaceful day in his home of Bag End
Bilbo Baggins was met by a family friend.

It was one of four wizards named Gandalf the Grey
Though why had he come to the Shire this day??
Well next afternoon Bilbo figured out why
As in through is door thirteen dwarves rushed on by.

There was Bifur and Bofur and Oin and Gloin
Fili and Kili and Bombur and Thorin
Balin and Dwalin and some more to see
Known as Dori and Nori and Ori the three.

They used all his forks and they used all his plates
But to bend and to smash them is what Bilbo hates.
But after his pantry was cleared of all food
The dwarves cleaned their mess so as not to be rude.

They presented their reason for coming that night
And giving poor Bilbo a terrible fright.
They told him the tale of a dragon so fierce
They were ripped from their home for the last 60 years.

But word went around that the dragon was gone
Gotten bored with his treasure and flown into the dawn.
So thirteen brave dwarves joined together to see
If this rumor of Smaug the Red Dragon could be.

So what did a hobbit who lived in the Shire
Do to help in this quest full of hope and desire??
Well hobbits are small and can go quite unseen
They can sneak around places and not show that they’ve been.

Just in case the red dragon still guarded his treasure
Someone silent and small would be oh so much better.
So they named him their burglar though most had their doubts
Including poor Bilbo who burst into shouts.

No way was he going to get himself killed.
Their hope to beat Smaug could not be fulfilled
No matter how small or which way he turned
Bilbo was sure to be crispy and sure to be burned.

So he kindly refused and made each one a bed
And he dreamed of a dragon who bit off his head.
When he woke in the morning the dwarves were all gone.
He looked in the pantry and looked on his lawn.

Thank heavens they left, they had been rather silly
To think Bilbo Baggins would come willy nilly.
It surprised the young hobbit they chose him to come
Along for the journey, how farfetched, how dumb.

So he sat down to breakfast to eat what remained.
His wanting to stay in the Shire maintained.
When in through the door came the wizard himself!!
Bilbo barely could grab at the coat on his shelf.

He was swept up away to the Green Dragon Inn
In the town of Bywater where the dwarves had been.
He was now on this quest, if he liked it or not,
And thought of his hankercheif, sad that he forgot.


#2 The Beginning of Roast Mutton

April 3rd, 2013

The dwarves and the hobbit and wizard began
To embark on their journey towards the east land.
When they noticed the wizard had left them alone
Where he went no one knew. Bilbo started to drone

On and on, on and on, and on on on some more
He was hungry and drained and his big feet were sore.
While the dwarves were annoyed at his incessant chatter,
If they felt just the same oh then what did it matter??

They brought him along to be sneaky and quick
Would Gandalf the Grey play this evil a trick??
Well whatever the reason the small hobbit came
They decided to set up a camp just the same.

As Bilbo began his first meal of the day
Hunger rumbling and tumbling and bumbling away
The dwarves saw a light shinning off in the trees
Bilbo grudgingly followed, being not done his peas.

The dwarves had decided this was a good spot
To see if the burglar could do it or not
They gave him some rules so he’d not come to harm
Hoot once like a screech owl and twice like a barn

To get their attention while waiting behind
As he went off to see what exactly he’d find
When what did he find but three monstrous trolls
Eating mutton without even nice dinner rolls

He had wanted to run but knew this was a test
He knew just what to do, it’s what hobbits do best
To be unseen at will is what he had to do
So he grabbed for the purse sitting next to their stew

And he would have escaped if the money had not
Made a noise that drew them from the food in their pot
Oh drat.  He was captured.  What horrible luck.
He’d most likely join that big bowl full of yuck.

But before they decided to toss Bilbo in
They wanted some info about who was with him.
Bilbo had lied and because of their temper
They started to fight over which way was better

To interrogate Bilbo. They were hard not to hear
By the dwarves one by one, who began to appear.
But before they could bring the poor hobbit on back
The trolls had entrapped every one in a sack.

And sadly that ends this story for tonight
I know it’s been thrilling but try as I might
I can’t keep my eyelids from wanting to close
So tune in tomorrow to see how it goes.

…. or just read the hobbit, I mean really.

troll cave

#3 The End of Roast Mutton

April 4th, 2013

So the dwarves had been captured, this night was quite rotten
But Bilbo it seemed, the trolls must have forgotten
Though now what could scared little fat Bilbo do
The dwarves began roasting to add to the stew

When one of the trolls had said something not right
That the others got angry and started to fight
But no one owned up to the things that were said
So they fought up until the black sky had turned red.

These trolls had not paid quite enough of attention
To what time it was and the dwarves never mentioned
So as soon as the sun hit the skin of the beasts
They had all turned to stone, ner to finish their feast.

And who stepped triumphantly into the clearing??
Why Gandalf of course!! So the dwarves started cheering.
The wizard had masked his voice perfectly well
To sound like the trolls so much no one could tell.

The dwarves were set free, all completely unscathed
So they decided to enter one of the trolls’ caves
The floor contained bones and a litter of plunder
From brass buttons to gold and a million things under

There was clothing of victims that hung on the wall
And lots of old food not appealing at all
The smell was horrific but here was the thing
This cave was where Bilbo had found his sword Sting.

Its color turned blue when orc creatures were near
This sword would be handy, that much was clear.
And Thorin found Orcrist, the elf Gobin-cleaver
And Gandalf, Glamdring, the mighty Foe-hammer

And way in the back there was hidden a key
For what no one knew, they’d just have to see
So they gathered their loot and set off the next day
To head to their town that was so far away.

#4 A Short Rest

April 5th, 2013

Bilbo at rivendell

Gandalf explains that he’s checked up ahead
To make sure they’d be safe next time they’d go to bed.
He leads them to Rivendell, city of elves
Past the Edge of the Wild where lord Elrond dwells.

He’s as wise as a wizard, as strong as a warrior
Esteemed as king dwarf and as kind as the summer.
He offers them food and a nice place to rest.
Bilbo decides that this place he likes best.

If ever he was to depart from the shire
This grand elfish city would be where he’d retire.
Its intricate buildings handcrafted with beauty
He’d protect this great place as if it was his duty.

Lord Elrond interprets their new swords’ ancient runes
And the marks on their map seen by light from moon.
It tells of the entrance into the lonely mountain
To claim back their home is what all the dwarves count on.

So with their hope restored they all lay down to bed.
Then wake up to prepare for the road that’s ahead.
The dangerous route which the 15 must take
Is the old misty mountains, which many forsake.

But all thanks to Elrond and Gandalf’s advice
Their march over the mountain was actually nice.
Until the rain came with the thunder and lighting
Poor Bilbo found this scene especially frightening.

Young Fili and Kili, with luck they did find
A cave to take shelter, Bilbo sure didn’t mind.
They brought in their ponies and made camp for the night
And all fell asleep by the warm firelight.


3 thoughts on “There And Back Again: 30 Poems By Evan Miller

    • thanks 🙂 im glad you like them!! sorry they keep getting shorter, that’ll change again once I finish my 10 billion things that are due this week

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